Politics and Cemeteries

Cemetery desecration. A United States Senator announcing he will not run for re-election. How, you ask, could these be related? Come on! It's Chicago!!

Burr Oak Cemetery in southwest suburban Alsip, Illinois is truly growing, by the hour, into a most horrific story. Up to three hundred caskets unearthed, the parts of which found scattered in an unused section of the cemetery so the greedy bastards running the place could resell the plots for profit. Even the casket of civil rights icon Emmett Till was found tossed aside, neglected and rusted in a back storage room.

The Senator. Granted, we are speaking of a Senate appointment of questionable integrity. Appointed to fill the seat vacated by President Obama by our favorite corrupt Governor Rod Blagojevich before he was ejected from the office. We could take the high ground here and believe Mr. Burris has grown a conscience and is acting in the interest of his constituency.

Come on! It's Chicago!! That would not only be a non-entertaining hypothesis, but truly implausible!

Votes! Most everyone knows of this most auspicious group of Chicagoans, led in life AND death by none other than Richard J. Daley, Sr. Yes, dear readers, those unearthed souls represent registered Chicago voters! And we all know, Mr Burris realized that without that most important block of Chicago voters, the dead, it would be mathematically impossible to remain in that tainted seat he currently occupies in Washington.

Now while we're on the subject, I'd like to introduce you to my favorite member of this voting block...

Meet Princess Nudelman of Chicago, Illinois! Why, you ask, was she sent a voter's registration packet? Especially since she is deceased, AND a goldfish, no less!! The late Princess' owner explains that she may have landed on the list when a close family member filled in her name when they got a second phone line for their home computer.

Hmmmm. Sounds a little fishy, doesn't it?!